How To Build A Lifelong Loving Relationship With Your Children

This topic is never an easy one, and definitely no one has all the right answers, including myself. Yet, in spite of this, some families seem to have a unity, love and caring for one another that is not just by chance. The reason why I am writing this article is that I think I have been blessed with one of these families that has a strong bond and love for one another. My wife and myself have two children (son age 41 and daughter age 39) and could not be happier with the way they have developed over the years, and the traits that they now show towards us as parents, their three kids each, and others in their life. We do not take credit for these life's blessings because we were both very fortunate to have learned much from our parents and others that we love.

So, read the following tips and see if any might be useful in your particular situation. The way I look at it is this: if you think that even one or two of these tips make sense for your family, then this whole article was worth the time to write. At the end of this article I have added a few tips I think could make a difference toward raising children who understand the need for God and Jesus in their lives. 1. Show your continuous love for your child. Never fail to show love for your children through frequent hugs, kisses, and loving comments. Continually tell your children how much you love them. Keep this affection as a part of your relationship even into your child's teenage and adult years. Do not just shut off this affection because of their age. Hope and pray that your example will lead to your child having a loving and caring heart for other people and their own children in the future. 2. Spend time interacting and playing with your child. For example, teach your young child their ABC's and numbers. Play games and sports with them. Read them books. Help them over the years with their homework, etc. 3. Encourage your child's input from their earliest years. Ask them what they think about a particular subject. Include them in grace at the table. Ask them how things are going at school, and do they like their teacher, and why. Also, encourage your child to ask questions about things they do not understand, or things they want to learn about. Let them know that you welcome their questions and value their input.

4. Build your child's self-esteem and value of themselves. Always praise your child for their accomplishments, good behavior, good deeds, good thoughts, and good ideas. Frequently, tell them how you are proud of them. 5. Spend time communicating with your child. Make sure you communicate your expectations to your child in terms of behavior, morals, values, relationships with others, etc. For example, discuss with them your thoughts on issues such as fighting, lying, cheating, stealing, obeying laws, relationships/interactions with others of different age groups, and many other issues. 6. Get involved in your child's activities. Make yourself available, as parents, to attend as many of your child's activities as possible (sports, band, cheer-leading, acting, etc). If possible, over the years, try to get involved as a coach, tutor, and spectator in their activities. This closeness and interest can create a very strong bond that will manifest itself in future years going forward. Always remember to praise them for their efforts. 7. Encourage your child to get involved in group activities. Group activities are important because they teach the child to become a part of a group of others to attain a group goal. Often in later life, people find themselves in settings that require one to know how to participate effectively within a group environment that has a common goal. The more effective your child is in group environments often leads to a more successful career and life. 8. Be consistent with your child. The reason why consistency is so needed in a relationship with your child is that they learn over time what to expect. It can also show the child that you mean what you say. For example, if a parent tells a child that if they behave a certain way that they will go to their room for two hours, and not be able to watch TV or play any games, this might be an appropriate punishment. But if the parent revises the punishment 15 minutes later, this causes confusion in the child as to what to expect next time around. 9. Explain to your child the value of hard work and doing their best in all of their activities. Explain to your child why hard work can benefit them in everything they do. Explain how hard work can mean better grades in school, good results in sports, and good results in other activities throughout their life. 10. Teach your child acceptable behavior. Have a conversation with your child as to what is acceptable behavior in school, in stores, in restaurants, in church, etc. Teach them why it is not acceptable to bully other children, or to be disruptive in a school environment. Teach them how to relate to other children, adults, teachers, and people of authority. 11. Teach your child the need to 'forgive others'. Teach your child why forgiveness of others is so important. You can do this by setting a good example yourself. Never be afraid to apologize and ask forgiveness of your child when you have lost your temper in error, or mistakenly chastised them for something they did not do. 12. Teach your child to love and care for others. As best as possible, give some thought as to how to convey this message to your child. Maybe, if your child has a younger sibling, you could teach them how you want them to relate to this sibling. 13. Monitoring your child's activities. Monitoring your child's activities in today's world is more complicated and difficult than ever before. Monitoring what your child watches on TV, views and listens to on their devices, and the sites they visit are all possible problem areas to be wary of. All I can say is try to be involved as you see fit. What can possibly help would be to have a serious conversation with your child as to what types of things that you do not find appropriate, and to tell the child why. Two common areas that I believe are important to control are: 1) The use of cell phones/devices during 'family time', and 2) Putting limits on the use of these devices in the child's bedroom. Also, important is to take an interest in the type of children that your children consider as good friends. Do not be afraid to step in when you think that one or more of their friends are not the type of kids that you want your child to be friends with. Further, explain to your child your reasons why you believe this. 14. Setting goals. Encourage your child in later grammar school/high school years the importance of setting goals for themselves. Goals keep a person focused on what they want to accomplish. The best approach is for your child to write their specific goals that they wish to attain on paper, so that they can be referenced for future use. Further, goals should be set for a particular period of time, say for 3 months or 6 months. At the end of the period, the child should pull out the goal sheet and see how they have performed against their goal(s). These goals might be school related, work related, activities related, spiritual related, etc. 15. Parents mutual agreement on key matters. Parents need to have a conversation about many of the above topics, and mutually agree as to how to proceed. As best as possible, parents should be in accord as much as possible on key issues. 16. Be role models for your children. A parent should always strive to live a life that he/she would wish to have their child mimic. For example, if you wish your child to be a loving and caring person, you should attempt to show these same characteristics yourself. Tips To Create A More Spiritual Home Environment For Your Child 1. Spiritual/Religious books in the home. At the earliest of ages, it is important to read books to your child at home. Many of these books could be books about God, Jesus or Children's Bible stories. By doing this, it becomes an easy way to open up future conversations with your child on these topics.

2. Black Board(s) in the home. The use of black boards in your home can be a great way to not only help your children to learn their ABC's or numbers, but also can be a means of conveying ideas or spiritual verses from the Bible to them. Maybe, as your child gets a little older, you could post a thought for the day, or a thought for the week. For example, maybe a short comment like 'Love Never Fails', or 'God Always Loves You' might be appropriate. 3. Involve your child in conversations at meal-time (dinner?). Ask your child if they would like to say anything for Grace, such as, 'What they are thankful for today'. Never force your child to contribute, and always applaud their efforts if they do contribute. Children can get involved in this process as early as two years old.

4. Encourage your child to pray for someone each night at bed-time. This helps your child to focus on others, and their needs. 5. Play 'worship music' in your home. Over time this can lead to your child singing these songs, and feeling comfortable about religious things. 6. If possible, start your day with prayer, reading of the Bible, or quiet time with the Lord. Making these efforts visible to your child is a great model for your child, and can open avenues of conversations that help them to develop a spiritual outlook. 7. Attend church with your child as often as possible. Church is a great means of getting your child involved in different activities/programs that the church offers for kids of different age groups. As your child gets to a responsible age, invite him to join you in weekly church services. 8. If possible, send your child to a preschool, grammar school and/or high school that has a Christian theme. Some parents may feel that by high school their child is already on the right track spiritually, and that it is not that important in their future development, but at least consider the option.